Ah marriage. The holy union. The old ball-and-chain. Whichever euphemism you prefer, there is no denying that marriage can be quite interesting. There seems to just be something about binding yourself to another human being in such an intimate way that almost naturally drives a life filled with comedic moments. Fortunately for us, some married couples out there have decided to record these hilarious moments in equally hilarious tweets.
Here are a few of the funniest tweets out there on the subject of marriage!
*watching husband sleep*
Me: "I just love him so much, he's my everyth-"
Me: "I can't live like this."
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) August 28, 2016
I told my husband I wanted a hedgehog and he said we don't need a hedgehog. Long story short, we're picking it up on Thursday.
— ?ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ? (@3sunzzz) June 6, 2016
Wife: What are you thinking about?
Me: *pauses daydream about zombie ninjas fighting cyborg Nazis from the future* You.
— "Bare Minimum Parenting" comes out in 29 days (@XplodingUnicorn) February 28, 2016
WIFE: Stop spending money on stupid stuff
WIFE: What the hell?
[dog walks by in a tuxedo]
ME: He's getting married, Karen
— Floyd (@dafloydsta) August 17, 2016
Wife: Someone invented a laundry folding machine
Me: I already have one of those. It's called a w-
Wife: *death glare*
Me: It's called me
— "Bare Minimum Parenting" comes out in 29 days (@XplodingUnicorn) June 6, 2016
Text from wife: I'm so sorry, I'm gonna be about half an hour late
Me [forgot we were even meeting, still in bed]: you always do this
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) November 6, 2016
Wife: Did you give the kids a bath?
Wife: Did you give them a bath TODAY?
Damn. She knows about that loophole.
— "Bare Minimum Parenting" comes out in 29 days (@XplodingUnicorn) April 30, 2016
Like watching a fly trying to find an open window, only its my husband looking for something in plain sight.
— Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86) September 5, 2016
"5 years ago i married my best friend, my soulmate, i love you"
"eat all the leftovers again and i will end you"
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 5, 2016
My husband doesn't seem to realize I'm mad at him which is ridiculous because I just spent the last 20 min convincing him I'm not mad at him
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) November 6, 2016
I need you to be spontaneous. Be predictable. I need intimacy. Give me my space. Load the dishwasher. Not like that.
— Blu (@TwoSapphiresBlu) November 3, 2016