Spring is in the air. The trees are budding, enticing us with their upcoming splendor. Rainstorms come in and bring that fresh scent with them. Gardens are planted, lawns get those first post-winter mows, and garage sales start popping up every weekend.
Oh, and baseball.
Baseball season is upon us, folks.
If you have a child who partakes in this most glorious pastime – or any other kid’s sport, to be honest, but it’s baseball season, dammit — then you have met these people.
1. The All-Up-In-Everyone’s-Business Mom
She knows your name the first time you meet her because she’s studied the roster and matched it up with the coach’s email list. She quickly learns your other kids’ names – the ones not on the team. She knows what’s going on in everyone’s lives. She knows who drives what kind of car and what everyone does for a living. Hell, she probably knows what you had for dinner last night. And she remembers EVERYTHING.
2. The Chatty Kathy Mom
Often goes hand-in-hand with the above A-U-I-E-B Mom. Chatty Kathy makes sure she talks to every parent at every single game and misses her kid’s at-bat because she couldn’t wait to share the amazing crock pot recipe she found on Pinterest. She’s super-nice, and you feel bad for getting annoyed with her, so you smile and nod. Plus she’s usually the first parent to form a Facebook group for the team parents as a place to share pictures and cheers, so she gets some love for that!
3. The Present-But-Oblivious Mom
She’s the great there-not-there. She is physically at the game, but texting/Facebook/Candy Crush/Twitter have her attention. The upside is that she always has her phone out, and sometimes she looks up long enough to snap some sweet pictures … which she immediately Instagrams. She’s the last one to look up when Billy pops up a foul right into the little parent bleachers, despite the chorus of “Heads up!” that ensues.
4. The Assistant Coach Mom
No, she’s not really the assistant coach. But she thinks she is. She knows what is going on every minute of the game and questions (often loudly) the coaches’ decisions and the umpires’ calls. She has to be asked several times per game to get out of the dugout, and she knows the score without looking at the board. While she’s yelling, her significant other is often keeping a running scorecard in the bleachers. For both teams. Yea, no one really likes her.
5. The Fashion Plate Mom
With her perfectly-pedicured toes peeking out from her $200 wedge sandals and her makeup always just right, Fashion Plate Mom sticks out like a sore thumb among the yoga pants, jeans, and t-shirt-clad moms. While we wonder why she wears those shoes to a place where walking in grass is inevitable, we are all secretly jealous of her ability to keep every hair in place on those days when it’s over 90 and humid.
6. The Snack Mom
OK, so the Snack Mom is pretty awesome. Even though there’s a sign-up sheet for snacks, she always has a Costco-sized stash of mini chip bags in the back of her minivan in case someone forgets. And when it IS her turn, she busts out full-size bottles of chilled Gatorade and a few platters of Jimmy Johns (and always remembers to get some vegetarian and gluten-free options, just in case). We roll our eyes a little, but we sort of want to be her.
7. The Overzealous Mom
She’s the one who sets up her camp chair right by the fence and makes sure every swing is followed by a cheer or encouragement. For every kid. On both teams. No matter what. While she can sometimes be a bit much, you have to admire her commitment to making sure the kids feel supported. Assistant Coach Mom doesn’t like her. Not. One. Bit.
Really, in all fairness, we’ve probably all had our moments of being one or more of these moms. We all get overzealous at times, we all want our kids to have fun and play well. At the end of the day, it IS just a game, they’re just kids, and the most important thing is that they learn about teamwork and sportsmanship.
Although I can say, without batting an eye, that I have never been, nor will I ever be, Fashion Plate Mom. I just love my flip flops too damn much.
PLAY BALL!
